Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
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