The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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