I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
