Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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