so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize