i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
