No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
