Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
