When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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