Someone shit on the floor
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
