My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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