I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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