Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
We were destined to go to rehab together
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Randomize
