Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
