I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
