it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
