remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
