I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize