I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
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