So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
