rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
the raccoons are back...
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