If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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