is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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