Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
