Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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