Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
