i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
You were trust falling into bushes
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
