I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
