I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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