She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize