I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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