Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Randomize
