hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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