Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
