woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
