Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
