i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
