I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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