have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize