Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
