I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Welp...herpes.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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