It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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