I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
