you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
