Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
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she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
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He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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