Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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