lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
wow bdsm is so cute
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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