I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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