Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
