YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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