This is not my ceiling
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
