I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
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