My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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