I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
