thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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