So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize