i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
