So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Acid is not a monday night drug
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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