i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
