if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I'm having to shit out rocks
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