Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
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