my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
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