My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
