Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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