He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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