Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
